I will die if light touches me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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