If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize