I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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