When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize