Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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