Who wears a wallet chain?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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