Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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