if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
