I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
