rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
