Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
