tell your sister to shave her snatch
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
