GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have tasted many bathrooms
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
