Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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