She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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