WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do vagina's smell?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize