That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
