fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
