I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
