No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
