i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
