Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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