Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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