I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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