His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
