She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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