Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
