I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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