shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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