it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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