i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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