When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
