I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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