I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
