My balls are so social today.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
