the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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