Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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