i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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