True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
