Is it because I queefed?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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