I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
