some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
