I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
