So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
