I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
