Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
