I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
