you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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