To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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