we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He better not be in your backpack
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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