We won't sleep together?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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