Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
