Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
