no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
