is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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