I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
