I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
