Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
