Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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