I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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