Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
