the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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