yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
