when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
