Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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