singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
