I accidentally had phone sex last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
