My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
