If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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