2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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