U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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