Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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