you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You pole danced in your parka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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