Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
