WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
