Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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