Where is the hickey?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
