Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
