was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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