i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
